Big fish in a small pond or small fish in a big pond?
This morning, I was driving and listening to the radio, where Jason Gray was interviewing Amy Grant. What caught my attention was his rather long prologue telling Amy that he, 10 years or so younger in his music career, noticed that Amy had ventured out from the relative safety of the Christian music genre and into the Pop music genre. He said he admired her willingness to confront a secular environment and her faith in doing it. What I heard, more clearly, was the struggle between being a big fish in a small pond versus a small fish in a big pond.
I thought about some of the life choices I have made and realized I contemplated these issues many times. For example, I was accepted by three different colleges - one was bigger and two were smaller. Financially, the big one and one of the small ones were about the same. I decided on the smaller college.
When I graduated from college, ironically, I had three different paths I could have chosen. One was to attend graduate school at the University of Oklahoma (under a TA position) or teach high school at one of two different schools. One of the high schools was in an affluent suburb of Chicago and the other one was at the high school I had graduated from four years prior. If this doesn’t have "big fish in a small pond" versus "small fish in a big pond" written all over it, I don’t know what does. I decided to teach at my old high school.
Fast forward a few decades, I was looking for a new job and, ironically, I had three offers. The first offer was to stay in Wisconsin and accept a math-related job that wasn’t an actuarial job (Big fish situation). The second offer was an actuarial job at a company in downtown Chicago (Small fish situation). The third offer was to come here (kind of in between but with advancement potential). I chose to come here.
“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again.” - Philippians 1:21-26 ESV
In all these cases, I prayed. As I was contemplating the memory of these situations, I questioned whether, in making my choices, I was focusing on myself or God. I don’t think it is easy to discern the difference sometimes. Of course, I was considering many other aspects. One of those was what was best for me and my career, which, on the surface, sounds narcissistic but usually coincided with the overall benefit of my family.
Would my life be different if I had chosen to go to Oklahoma to get an advanced degree in mathematics? Most certainly. I take great comfort in believing God has a sovereign plan and I’m a part of it. God knew what I was going to choose, and today, I’m in the exact place he planned for me.
“Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.” - Romans 8:26-30
All my experiences in life, good and bad, have made me who I am today, and I know that God loves me and has a purpose for my work. I wouldn’t change a thing.
