Discipline

I think I’ve mentioned before that society's attitude toward corporal punishment (paddling and the like) has changed a lot during my lifetime. The current generation seems to be gravitating toward explaining things logically to their kids when they do something wrong.  I believe this is a mistake, but that is my opinion.

Before I get to this, however, I want to share a brief glimpse of society's attitude toward corporal punishment when I was a kid. I remember the principal of my grade school having a paddle hanging on the wall. It was a broad piece of wood with a baseball-bat-type handle, and it had a hole in the paddle part to make it more aerodynamic, as he would tell people.

I remember several kids getting into trouble for bullying this girl in the 5th grade by taunting her and saying she had cooties. (I was not one of them.) This was not an isolated incident and several kids got a swat or two from the principal’s paddle. As bad as that sounds, I can assure you that if I had gotten paddled by the principal, I would have gotten far worse from my dad when I got home. In fact, that knowledge did more to keep me out of trouble than anything else. The reality was that, to the best of my recollection, my sister and I only got paddled maybe twice growing up.

My mom, on the other hand, would express her displeasure at whatever you were doing wrong by digging her nails into your arm and leaving a mark. That hurt.

When our son was growing up, corporal punishment wasn’t allowed by anyone other than the parents, and even then, the movement was afoot to prevent child abuse. For example, we were walking into Ventures one day when our son began to throw a fit. I reprimanded him by swatting his behind, and a couple of mature ladies commented that they should call child protective services. This is where I want to land with this devotion.

Let’s say you witnessed an act of violence against a child. How would you tell if it was corporal punishment or child abuse? What would you do if you thought it was child abuse? In my and my young son’s case at Ventures, there was no anger on my part and certainly not any malice in my heart. I used the swat to get his attention and let him know his fit wasn’t appropriate. But, the question remains: how could the two older women have possibly discerned whether the swat was child abuse or corporal punishment?

I can produce scenarios where it would be much easier to discern. For example, if I had been lividly mad, removed my belt and repeatedly beaten our son with my wife begging me to stop. Or if I’d hurt him, that, in my opinion, would be a clearer case of abuse. My mom digging her fingernails into my arm would seem to be an easier-to-discern example of corporal punishment. Except that sometimes she drew blood. (No, Mom, who is in heaven, I don’t believe you abused me). This example is difficult to discern as abuse, but a pattern over many such occurrences might suggest abuse to some people.

So, we come back to the question of what would you do if you saw someone strike a child? If you knew the person, you could quietly and privately talk to them to help discern whether an abusive situation was present. Is it okay to report it to the authorities? Do you have to do something about it?

 “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” - Romans 12:9-21 ESV

“Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.” - Romans 13:1-7

These two chapters of Romans, at a cursory glance, seem to have opposite implications. Chapter 12 is more of a live-and-let-live message, while chapter 13 is more of a follow-the-law message. However, I think both messages are true. 

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you, too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load.” - Galatians 6:1-5

From my experiences as a child and as a parent, I believe corporal punishment given without malice and not in anger can be very effective in getting a child’s attention and turning them away from the wrong behavior.

“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.” - Proverbs 23:13-14

The key to all discipline (whether to a child or to an adult by God) is to do it with full control of your emotions and without malice.