Optics
I was running into town to meet someone for lunch, and I got behind a car at a stoplight. This was an older car with handicap plates. I noticed that the owner had applied many bumper stickers over the years. The majority of them were so faded that they could have been just a white outline. Conversely, the bumper stickers could have been applied were eventually deemed to be worthy of removal. In my mind, I assumed the latter.
I think about this every time I see a vehicle with a bumper sticker for a losing candidate. For example, I’ve seen several cars with a Bernie Sanders bumper sticker for president even though he’s never made it through the democratic primary process. It’d be like me having a Sam Brownback for President sticker on the back of my truck…could have happened but it didn’t because he never made it that far in the process.
Anyway, the one sticker that looked like someone had tried to rip it off and could only get the top half of it off was one of those coexist stickers. Now, don’t get me wrong, I agree that we should all coexist as long as you don’t force me to compromise my values to coexist with you. That, in my opinion, is why I’ll never have one of those stickers on anything. For example, if I remember correctly, one of the first symbols is a female symbol that I’ve understood to mean that women’s rights are important (I’m going to ignore the implications of that so please bear with me). However, one of the other symbols (I suspect) is the whole LBGTQ+ cohort which includes “trans women”. These men want to be accepted as women even though they were born male. How can those two groups coexist? If I, born a male, can be accepted as a women any moment I want to, what does women’s rights mean? It’d be like the pop up jewelry kiosk store in the mall I used to work in 40 years ago that opened with this big 50% off sale that continued until they closed it down after Christmas. Everyone got the discount. What was the discount from?
Or, another example, was when I first moved here 25 years ago. I was hired to manage a couple of teams and so I spent a lot of time understanding what they did and the areas that used the information to make sure it fit. I was talking to a person (higher than I was in the organization), that was explaining the sales statistics that we were using as an input to our models. I made a comment that my previous employer defined that statistical differently and the sales area implicit decision might require us to modify our process.
A few days later, my boss called me in to tell me that this person had complained that I was questioning what and how she did her work and she did not appreciate it. I apologized and told her that my comments weren’t meant to imply that. I also asked for her advice to tell me how I should have asked her that question on her area’s internal process. To her credit, she replied to me (only as far as I could tell) that a good way to broach the subject was to start with
“help me to understand”
I not only printed that email but I cut out that statement and it hung on my wall for the next 20 years.
“Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” - Romans 14:13-23 ESV
Because I have been commanded by Christ to go and make disciples, the last thing I want to do is to cause someone else to stumble. The person in my story got bent out of shape not because of the questions I was asking but the way I asked the question. For an introvert and analytical nerd such as myself, phrasing my verbiage is difficult for me. In my ideal world, the other person would not read into a question more than the specific question I asked. That, my friend, is not how we interact as sinful human beings.
Just a thought.
