Sometimes, It’s How You Say It
Has someone chastised you by saying, “It is not what you said but how you said it?” Unfortunately, that has happened to me several times. As an introvert and a nerd, I have often said logically sound things that another person found offensive. I confess that, during most of these situations, I’m thinking, “How can you find offense by my saying this?” I’ve even had third parties agree that what I said shouldn’t have been offensive.
Well, I was on the opposite side of that equation last night. I flew home and arrived in Kansas City around midnight. Since I’ve retired, I don’t regularly fly and, therefore, I’m not familiar with how paid parking works now. My wife had made my reservation and prepaid for my parking. As I was leaving, I realized I didn’t know how to close the parking arrangement.
I pulled up to the non-automated checkout lane that I hoped would have a real person to help me. The person asked me if I had the credit card that was used to make the arrangement. When I said I didn’t know which credit card my wife used, he suggested I call her (remember it is midnight).
He then asked me if I had printed the message with the UPC on it. I had and used it when I checked in but didn’t keep it.
However, that question reminded me that my wife had sent it to me. Once I remembered this, I showed him the message she initially sent me. The guy couldn’t make it work. Something about the way the guy ended almost every sentence with “sir” irritated me, but I was willing to overlook it. Then, I remembered she emailed me the UPC I had printed to check in. While I was looking for the email, the guy kept chastising me about needing to keep that code to check out.
Finally, I found the email. He got the computer to recognize it from my phone (he had system issues, but that’s unimportant). He handed me my phone back. I asked him if we were good. He replied, asking if I could see the gate open. Something about the demeaning way he asked me if I could see the gate open irritated me. I had been concentrating on working with him so hard that I didn’t see the gate open.
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” - Colossians 3:12-17 ESV
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly. The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good. A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” - Proverbs 15:1-4
I still felt so offended that I composed an email later this morning to send to the company’s customer service portal. I got a quick response if I remembered the name of the person that night. I replied I didn’t and didn’t want them to chastise the person. I acknowledged I was naïve to the checkout process and worried he may have had a bad day himself. My goal was to suggest a refresher course in customer service for their front-line employees.
I have no idea whether my email will help avoid similar situations in the future. Like sharing the good news of Jesus Christ, my job is just to plant seeds, to speak truth, and to be the light and salt for others.
The good news is that even though I left feeling offended, I didn’t blow my top and I felt at peace as I was driving home. The offense and its reaction weren’t transferred to the people I interacted with thereafter.
