Generational Differences
My mind went down a rabbit hole thinking about generational differences. Before I start, I realize that my observations are based on my own experience and may differ from yours.
Let’s start out with my generation. I was born on the tail end of the Baby Boomer generation. Since I managed people, I had the opportunity to study generational commonalties. As such, I’m comfortable that I align well with the Baby Boomer commonalities, but I also align with the Gen X commonalities also. For example, my parents were very hands off in raising me.
To quote a current Presidential candidate, I was raised in a very middle-class family. Actually, I’ve always described it as lower middle class - both parents worked, they owned their house, we had plenty of food, limited clothes and toys, going out to eat was a rare luxury. Anyway, I’m pretty sure my parents’ philosophy was to only intervene if and when a problem arose. Since I was mostly an angelic child (if you believe that I’d like to sell you some property), my parents mostly let me do what I wanted.
Doing what I wanted did not involve them taking me places or spending money, so most of my nice weather time was spent riding my bicycle in my rural area with friends. After all, it was not uncommon for us to ride twenty miles to buy an ice cream cone. When the weather wasn’t nice, I’d read books or watch tv. I did do a few outside activities such as baseball, cub scouts, vacation Bible school, etc., but those seemed like the exception rather than the rule.
When my wife and I had our son (he is a millennial), the parenting style changed. He had more than enough clothes and toys. This observation would be the first thing that popped into my head. In fact, he had a set of toys at each grandparents’ house. The quantity of stuff jumped from when I was a kid. As far as activities as parents we were much more cautious about letting him wander too far out of our sight and this required more participation on our part to take him to organized activities such as gymnastics or organized play dates. But even with this affluency, we resisted giving him every desire he had. In fact, whenever he truly wanted something outside of a birthday or Christmas, we made him do some work to make him feel like he earned whatever it was.
It will be interesting to see how our 3-year-old granddaughter’s generation comes out (Gen Alpha). My sample size is only 1 but she seems to have even more stuff than our son did. Additionally, our son and his wife are much more involved in the day-to-day details of our granddaughter’s day care than we were in our son’s daily education. My wife will joke that she was on a first name basis with the elementary school principal and that wasn’t a positive thing. I believe our son and daughter-in-law are already on a first name basis with the preschool principal for both good and poor behavior.
As important as our kids are, they eventually grow up. Our parents seemed to let us go (away to school, to live with our new spouse, etc.) without an exceptional amount of angst. My wife had a good amount of angst when our son went away to college (because by that point, his life was the focal point for our lives), but it got better as we relearned to focus on our relationship to each other. It will be interesting to see how much angst our son has when his daughter goes away to school.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” - Proverbs 22:6 ESV
“Their young ones become strong; they grow up in the open; they go out and do not return to them.” - Job 39:4
“I rejoiced greatly to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as we were commanded by the Father.” - 2 John 1:4
“For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.” - Hebrews 12:6-17
Even though the parenting philosophy has changed over my lifetime, the objective of raising your children to be productive and happy members of society should be the overriding goal. Time will tell which parenting style is more or less successful.
